Reflections on Being a Pastor's Wife (pt.2)

Alliteration seems to be a favorite literary device for many pastors, including my husband. May I try my hand at it? In thinking about the uniquenesses of being a pastor's wife (aside from the reality that dozens of ideas flood my mind and some spill over and escape), I decided today to highlight those reflections that begin with the letter "P." Let's compare them with the body systems of a human being (since I've always been intrigued with Human Anatomy studies).

Prayer - A constant state of mind! Particularly in ministry, I find I am very often in prayer for Rick, his study, his focus and clarity of mind, his encouragement, his demands, his time, his shepherd's heart, etc. I pray that I would be an asset in our marriage and church, that our children's growth and trials would not be overwhelming, that our church family would know and grow in love and purity. So many more specifics could be said, but suffice it to say that this quality of cherishing prayer is a skeletal backbone to all of our life and ministry. I love it!

People - I suppose I'd call this the muscular system of our "person." Without the people, the skeleton would be a bag of bones. People bring us strength and help us to move forward. They stretch us and even sometimes pain us (ouch to those muscle cramps!). But we need them and they need us. People ARE our ministry and we have given our lives for them. After all, Christ gave His life for us. Having people in our life is a must for a pastor's wife and it is a real hope of mine to continue learning to treasure people!

Preaching - My husband's preaching is just as much for me as it is for anyone else who hears him. I place myself under the submission of the authority of Scripture as I hear the Word preached. As a pastor's wife, some days it's easy to sit under his teaching and other days it's hard. But I know that over the past 15 years, Rick's preaching has flowed out of a life that craves study, clear communication, the power of the Holy Spirit, and relating well with his church body. Therefore, the preaching aspect of our ministry life is likened to the nervous system of the human body. It brings the life and soul out of us all.

Patience - Being a pastor's wife demands patience in various venues. I have to be patient with my husband (and the way he does and says things), with my children (and their pace of growth in the Lord), with our church growth (patiently watching the Lord do His work in people's lives and not just hoping for a numerical burst), and with discipleship (knowing that each person grows at different paces). Patience is like the blood circulation of our body. It needs to run throughout my "veins" in all I do, say, think and act. It is needed for life and if I lose it, I am depleted of strength and ability. I need patience! Now!

Perseverance - As with anything in life, we must persevere. Continuance. If we have to move away, if people in our fellowship have to leave or move, when trials come as promised, we still have to persevere. Doing it together makes it more bearable. You know the saying, "In marriage, your joys are doubled and your sorrows halved." Well, in ministry, if we can go through life together hand in hand and heart to heart, it makes the disappointments easier to handle. We can remind ourselves of the need to persevere...no matter what. This reminds me of the respiratory system - breathing in and breathing out - keeping on in this calling.

Personal growth - Okay, this is where someone who's NOT married to a pastor may potentiallly get away with this better than I can. There was a season most recently where I wished I didn't have to grow and seek the face of God. It was a very dry season and I believe that even these times are meant for our growth. Though it may seem that a pastor's wife's life is lived more in a fishbowl with "everyone" watching my every move, I do acknowledge the fact that this can actually be a real blessing. I know that others love me and want to see me serve Christ with all my heart. I don't want to be embittered, thinking folks judge me or my family. Rather, I see the blessing of always having the shepherding pastor at my calling. I see the blessing of knowing that so many people pray specifically for my family. I want to grow so that I can be there to help others grow as well. Personal growth is like the digestive system, using everything in my life to nourish me. It takes the good and disposes of the unnecessary. It gives me a stomach ache at times, but I know the good that will soon emerge.

Personality - cellular tissue! I am who I am in Christ. He has made me and He loves me. I am tempted at times to resist and reject the stereotypical "Pastor's Wife" mold (whatever that may mean for you). Yet as life continues, I am reminded by the Lord that I am to pursue Him and love others. I don't have a reputation to maintain for myself. Worrying about the external qualities actually just reveals the pride of my own heart. So my prayer is that I would receive whom God has made me to be and that I would serve Him with a pure heart and deep love.

Poured out - This is a very special aspect of being a pastor's wife. When my heart is right, I full-heartedly desire, because of the amazing grace of God, to pour out my life for others. I desire spiritual ministry and input into the personal lives of women. But when my heart is wrong, sometimes I can become burned out, stale, mechanical in ministry. Then, I am disappointed in Rick's calling and in our calling to make disciples. Please pray that God would mold me into the servant He wants me to be. Please pray that I would pour out my heart and life because of the One who has poured out His whole life for me! In reflecting on this important piece of a ministry life, I would compare it to the reproductive system. As I pour out to others, life is given and born. Other women would then learn how they should also pour out their lives for others. We would multiply our influence and be a lighthouse to the world.

Paradox - We think we are the ministers, but in the end, we are the ones who have been ministered to. Thank you for the support you extend to us (maybe even at times when you were the ones needing to be supported). How about the paradox of pouring out your soul until it's drained, almost dead...only to find out how truly life-giving it is to breathe hope into others?
Or, there's the paradox of being honest, open, vulnerable, "yourself;" at the same time not being too honest or open, being guarded, careful, and set apart. These, and other paradoxes, are part of the pastor's wife's life. I guess I would liken the presence of paradox to human eyesight. Though images are received through the eye gate, it is actually the occipital lobe of the brain that interprets what the eye saw!

Power - God's power...needed to help heal the hurts of ministry. Needed to help me love again. Needed to serve my family. Needed for all of life. Without His power, we are powerless. His power is limitless. No credentials, talents, abilities, or external qualities can sustain a pastor's wife. May His power reign in my life for the rest of my days!